Moving back to life

Ashmeet Kaur · January 2014

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of overcoming it “

It was the time, when my 12^th result was out. I scored 76% which according to me is sufficient for a science student. But at the time of admission, I realized it was not even counted. Cut-offs were out. My marks matched three-four colleges but I thought for some better college, so I decided to wait for the next list. Meanwhile I helped my other friends in their admissions. They finally got admission in fine colleges. Second, third, fourth... lists were out. Admissions were getting close and I didn’t get admission anywhere. All my friends got admission, even those who scored less from me. It’s being a month, I wandered here and there but anywhere I go I found rejection.

Even my family was upset with my misfortune. I not only failed in my career but also in my life and that was the worst phase of the situation. All my friends were busy shopping for their new college days. They don’t even bother to make me a call. And I, after seeing such ignorance and mean intension in my friends, had lost my faith in friendship, and even humankind. Unless my best friend Aarav was there for me throughout the situation. Hard time reveals true friends and I found my real friends standing there by my side. Even Aarav was one of them. He took me to various colleges. He supported me so well and kept on consoling me. He always tried to pass me through joys of life but when heart is burdened with grief, nothing looks bright. The time was unbearable for me to handle. I was upfilled with tears, just controlling my emotions. It was not easy for me to face rejection from everywhere. All roads were closed, not a single door appears to be open. I was frustrated and angry. I wanted to run away somewhere. Then I tried to suppress it, tried to ignore it. There was still last hope that holds me. I opened up the last admission-list. Tears welling up in my eyes and started pouring down. “Admissions closed” appeared. It breaks my heart. I can no longer hold in my emotions. I was no longer a strong and fearless girl. Whole night I break down and cried. Admissions were closed now. My family was trying to settle somewhere... anywhere I fit because they were worried for me. They want to save my year. Now there I was, being complete opposite of myself. My pain was intense and my tears were never ending waterfall. It felt like no matter what I do, I’ll never be the same. I couldn’t be able to bring myself back to life. I was leaving my thousand broken pieces of life and happiness behind.

Then one day, I saw my father crying not because of my unfulfilment but because I was all breaking from inside. A man stronger than steel began to cry hard because he was helpless enough to do anything for me. And it changed my mind that moment. My father’s tears, mother’s pained expression and friend’s comfort for me made me realized what I had lost behind. I could feel what I have tried to ignore. I thought of my family and friends who cared for me so much and that seemed everything go away. I tried to put my focus on belief that I wasn’t be lonely. I was just a shell filled with disappointment and grievance and that is what I have to break and come out.

I went up to my mother and sat beside her. As gently as she could, she hugged my depressed body, “Everything will be okay, sweetie” she told me and then she said something I never forget. “God put as only through as much as we can handle, so the people who struggle the most have been chosen by the god to be the strongest ones”, she told me. She told me I am the strongest girl who should not be affected by this time and I needed to beat this so that I could move further in life for new experiences, and no matter if I fail or succeed I’ll be her little girl always. And I realized I need to defeat this cursed time not for me but for all those who trust upon me. I can’t let them down. I did realise that I was upsetting those people who were just waiting for my single smile. Now even a part of myself influenced me to move further.

Then the things were getting changed. I joined some other profession to save my year. I learned to cope, atleast from outside, but from inside I was different. I was still somewhere lonely, hurt and depressed. I was hiding it with a smile and letting it covered with my fun attitude. But Aarav, he never let me alone. His hands always tried to pull me back into life and he escaped me out of loneliness. Finally I caught myself smiling. I was quiet happy even though I had next to nothing. Sadness slowly flies away on the wings of passing time.

Next year I again tried. This time when I saw the admission list. Tears again rolled down my face and burnt my cheeks. It took me a couple of seconds to realize those were the tears of happiness. I was selected. I got the admission. Finally I reached that road which leads to my dream.

Now today when I look back, I realize it’s never too late for a new beginning. It doesn’t matter how many times I fall, what matters the times I stand again to move further. I have witnessed my close friends coming out false, but what matters, are all the real bonds I kept. I regret countless things but I have become an independent and strong individual by learning from my past, and that’s all what matters. Courage and cheerfulness were not only that carried me over the rough places. I am always grateful for what I have and for family I have been blessed with and for such a strong and dependable person, Aarav who has done so many things that touched me deeply. This past experience taught me the value of family and how important it is in the time of need. I never felt judged and I know how much they care. Moreover I earned a friendship that lasts me a lifetime.

THANK YOU Mom and Dad...!!!
THANK YOU Aarav...!!!